How Deep is the Broken Heart of a Giant Salamander
by Metallic Crayon
Summary: He needs a place to stay. She has room under her bed. Can they keep it a secret?
1. I’m indecent, kero!

Summary: He needs a place to stay. She has room under her bed. Can they keep it a secret?

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or Natural Monument.

Author's Note: "Ousanshouuo (Which means Japanese giant salamander) is the largest living amphibian and is a specially preserved species. Kero is the sound of a frog croaking."

Author's Note: Natural Monument, Kero, Ousanshouuo, Little Dude, Giant Salamander…they are all the same character. Please excuse the several nicknames. He does not have an official name that I know of.

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Haruhi woke up one fine morning on the hard floor to discover a salamander the size of her head had taken over her bed. She read the clock like a clock because it was a clock. The clock had the numbers: 3:00AM on it. But AM isn't a number.

In disbelief that he had stolen her bed and her beauty rest, she found an extra pillow in her closet and dropped it on the ground. Next, she dropped the salamander on the ground on top of the pillow. Then she pushed the pillow plus endanger species under the bed. Lastly, Haruhi fell back to sleep.

In the morning, Haruhi has forgotten to whole thing. Maybe she just assumed it was a dream. But that changes when she enters the bathroom to brush her teeth, and she sees the little dude bathing in her sink.

"No! Get out of here, I'm indecent! kero!" He shouts in a voice that sounds as if he is gurgling as he talks. Haruhi immediately blushes and runs out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She then remembers that he is a salamander and there is no reason to blush.

Haruhi then remembers that he must hurry and finish bathing in her sink because she needs to take a shower and get ready for school. Luckily, moments later the bathroom door opens with steam escaping into her room. The salamander walks out with a towel wrapped around his bald head.

"That's was a good bath kero," He says.

"WHAT ARE YOU?" Haruhi asks.

"I am an Ousanshouuo. Nice to meet you kero," he says, bowing.

Haruhi frowns at him. "You can't live here, Natural Monument. We barely have enough space for me and my dad."

Natural Monument shakes his head. "If I don't live here, the world will end. kero."

Haruhi is very disturbed to hear this and realizes she must keep him here. "Well why is it this home, anyway? Why are you hear?"

"Well," He says, "kero." Haruhi headdesks.

"Okay, well if you really have to, then you can stay here," Haruhi says. Kero nods.

"I have to get ready for school now. Make sure you stay out of sight." Haruhi begins to brush her teeth.

Kero walks in and says, "Oh is that what that is for? I thought it was for scrubbing my back. kero." Haruhi spit takes in Kero's face.

"Forget tooth brushing today. I'll buy a new one after school. I just need to take a shower." Haruhi says, irritated.

Kero screams, "No, don't open that, kero!" But it was too late. Haruhi had pulled back the curtain. She immediately pulls the curtain back over it. Slowly turning her head she says, "What…the…hell…was…that?"

But Giant Salamander was not there when she turned around. She searched for it around the house for a short while but then she realized the time! She was going to be late to school!

She quickly grabs her backpack and forgets all about the little freak by the time she gets to school. "Hey, is my backpack heavier than usual?"

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Author's Note: Yes, a very short chapter indeed. Well, it is mostly just a prologue/intro thing. We are about to get into more Ouran stuff. ((Characters other than Haruhi)) Have Fun Reviewing. Reviewing. Reviewing.


	2. I'm delicious, kero!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.

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Classes are over. Haruhi received a punishment for being late to school. I don't know what it was. Haruhi rushes to the Host Club. Her heavy backpack banging against her…back. "What is making this so heavy?" Haruhi hadn't opened her backpack yet today.

Once she gets into the Third Music Room, she opens her backpack. Natural Monument hangs out of it and gasps for air. "That was traumatic, kero!" The host club members gather around the bag.

"Ooh, what's this?" Tamaki asks.

"It's adorable!" Hunny shouts.

"It is an Ousanshouuo," Kyouya says.

"Can you cook it?" Hikaru asks.

"I'm delicious, kero."

"I wouldn't be telling them that if I were you," Haruhi says. "Hey, didn't you say the world was going to end if you left my home?"

"And you believed me, kero."

"Haruhi believed something like THAT?" Kaoru shouts. The twins start laughing loudly. Haruhi hits them both on the heads with the salamander.

"I'm going to let the twins eat you, you know. I don't want you living in my house!" Haruhi says. Kero's head cracks a little. "Uhh…Natural Monument?"

"He's dead!" Tamaki screams.

"He's dehydrated," Kyouya corrects.

"WATER!" Hunny shouts.

Mori comes by with a tub of water and dumps it on Hunny's head.

"Not Hunny, THE GIANT SALAMANDER!" Haruhi shouts.

Mori comes by with a tub of water and dumps it on Giant Salamander's head. "I survived, kero."

Kyouya smirks. "The Ousanshouuo would make a good host member." Everyone turns to look at Kyouya.

"You're a genius Kyouya!" Tamaki says.

"WHAT?" Haruhi shouts. "He's not even human!"

"What type should he be, Takashi?" Wet Hunny asks.

"Endanger Species." Mori says.

"It's perfect!" shout the twins.

"Isn't anyone listening to me?" asks Haruhi.

"I am the Endanged Species type, kero."

"Hold on one second!" Haruhi shouts.

"Oh, you were there, Haruhi?" Hikaru asks.

"Yes, I'm here! And why is it such a good idea for Kero to be a host?"

"Because Kero-Chan will attract people with his cuteness!" Hunny says.

"I don't know where he came from. I found him on my bed in the middle of the night. What if he is somebody's pet?" Haruhi asks.

"I am my own grandfather, kero."

"Oh yeah," says Haruhi, "he talks!"

"Do you belong to anybody?" Asks Tamaki.

"I belong to the government, kero."

"The government?" Host club asks.

"Yes. I am on an undercover mission to investigate the high school girl who dresses up like a boy and flirts with girls, kero."

"So the government knows Haruhi's secret?" Kaoru asks.

"Yes, kero." Salamander says.

"What happens next?" Hikaru asks.

"I say we eat him!" Haruhi says, picking him up by the tail.

"I lied! I don't belong to the government!" Kero tries to squiggle out of her grasp. His tail falls off and he taillessly falls to the floor. "The tail is not supposed to come off! Kero!"

A new one grows back immediately. "Kerooooooo!"

"Kero-Chan needs a school uniform!" Hunny said.

"HE'S NOT ENROLLED AS A STUDENT!" Haruhi says.

"You are cramping my style, kero."

"Hikaru, Kaoru. See about getting a uniform for Natural Monument," says Kyouya. Hikaru and Kaoru nod and leave. Seconds later they arrive with an iddy-biddy uniform. They put it on him.

"I'm beautiful, kero."

"It matches his skin," says Kaoru.

"It matches his hair," says Hikaru.

"It doesn't have hair!" says Kaoru.

"The ladies will start pouring in any second," says someone, "Shouldn't we be getting into costume?"

"Oh yeah!" Says some other people.

The host club gets prepared for the…host club with their new addition to the…host club. The endangered species type.

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A/N: Review


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